howdeeee,
last week i had to spend some time in the hospital (ya, right, hospitality!!!)
anyway, it reminded me of a song i heard on Dr D some time ago called
"Hospitality Blues". i used to have a copy of it but no longer do so. i would
love to have the lyrics. if anyone knows them could they email me??
long about a couple of months ago
i had a little touch of lombego
and i called on my doc to see what he suggest......
TIA
--
Mark E
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"A Jedi uses the Force
for knowledge.
Never for attack"
Yoda
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HERE are the REAL lyrics!
HOSPITALITY BLUES by Doug Harrell, M.D.
Now I guess I’m just an old country hick
but all you folks that think you’re sick
better pay attention to what I’ve got to say!
If you were gonna go to some hos-pital,
I suggest you think it over a little,
‘cuz I’m still recuperatin’ from my hos-pital stay!
Back about a couple of months ago,
I had a little touch of lumbago,
and I called my doctor to see what he'd suggest.
and he said "Man it's plain to see, the hospital's the place where you oughta be,
‘cuz what you need is good old fashioned rest".
Now by the next mornin’ I felt pretty good,
but I thought I ought to go since he said I should,
and I got to the hospital long about four ‘til ten.
Well, I got myself lost without much ado –
everybody I asked said they were lost, too,
those halls and doors just seemed to have no end!
The woman that admits, she told me I was late,
then turned around and said "Have a seat and wait"
And that's what I did for two hours and a half.
This making you wait, they've got perfected,
I got the feeling I was being neglected,
‘Til this man came up and said something about "private or staff "?
From the questions he asked in our interview,
I figured he was sent by the '”Revenue”,
And if I couldn't have talked, I don't reckon they'd have let me in.
When he found out about my financial affairs,
This nurse came in and took me upstairs.
and gave a bed in a ward with two other men.
Then she gave me this hospital gown to put on,
and I guess she must not have thought I was grown,
The thing was so short I had to leave on my pants.
When those other men told me what they had,
my chances of getting any rest looked bad,
‘cuz one had consumption, the other the Saint Vitus dance.
Just about the time I got settled in bed,
This boy in white walked up and said,
"I'm Dr. Smith and I've gotta run some blood tests."
I said "Wait a minute, fella, there's some mistake.
My blood's all right, I just got the backache."
and we had a big argument and I come out second best.
Now he said he was a doctor, and I don’t guess he’d lie,
but I’m sure that the back of his ears weren’t dry,
and when I called him an intern,
he said he wasn’t THAT far yet.
Every-body that’s a doctor has to learn to be,
but I don’t like it much when they’re learnin’ on me,
and from the way he was workin’
that’s as far as he’d EVER get.
After he'd taken all the blood I could spare,
He got a sheet of paper and pulled up a chair.
He said "What brought you here?"
And I told’im "My 35' Ford"
He must’a asked me a million questions or more,
‘bout every kind of sickness I'd had before,
and every question I asked him, he just ignored.
They “souzied out a dropsy”, but I’ll never know,
what the devil that's got to do with lumbago,
And the questions about my private life made me mad!
When he finally got off that talking jag,
he pulled out a little black doctor's bag,
and gave the darndest physical I EVER had.
He beat on me with a hammer and tickled my feet,
and did some things I better not repeat,
and when HE got finished another boy in white walked in.
I found that he was an intern there,
and I want you to know HE pulled up a chair,
and we went through the whole darn mess again.
By the time I’d repeated my every dis-order
I felt just like a tape recorder,
and I asked him if the main doctor even knew I was there.
He said, “Why do you ask?” and I said “Heck!
If you don’t hurry up I’ll be a nervous wreck!”
and he said that the main doctor was at a medical meeting, somewhere!
For the next four hours after HIS exam,
I got a brain wave an’ one o’them cardiograms,
and an X-ray picture of every bone in my body, I reckon.
Whoever fixed my tray thought I was on a diet,
There wasn't enough there to keep a small bird quiet,
and it was made to taste so you wouldn't ask for seconds.
As if I hadn't done seen enough action,
those doctors came back and put me in traction.
and the weights were so heavy they pulled me out of bed three times!
By then, my back was really hurtin’,
and when they put me on a board, I knew for certain,
that their definition of “rest” was different from mine.
Well, they left the room, and I was dozin’ off,
and then the man with consumption started to cough,
and that other fellow started having some sort of a chill.
When they finally got quiet, I dozed off again,
and then in a little while, that nurse was back in,
and woke me up just to give me a sleeping pill.
About five minutes after the nurse was gone,
some-body down the hall cut a radio on,
and so I “rocked and rolled” for the rest of the night!
About six the next mornin’ that boy was back in –
put a tube in my stomach and drew blood again,
and the nurse gave me a shot that knocked me out like a light.
When I came to, I thought I was in a tomb,
found out they were takin’ me in the operating room,
and I figured if I didn't talkfast, my goose was cooked!
Well, it took me quite a bit of yelling and cursin’,
to make 'em realize they had the wrong person,
and I was fightin to get my arms and legs unhooked.
Well, I jumped up from there, and I must’a looked cute,
Runnin' down the hall in my birthday suit,
but I weren't worried 'bout my dress not bein’ too formal.
Well, I got to my room and put my clothes on,
and without a “good-bye” I headed for home,
and after two whole months I still ain't back to normal.
Now if it offers any sort of consolation,
If you're half dead, and need an operation,
then you go ahead man, ‘cuz man - you got nothing to lose.
But if just a little rest is all you need,
then if you go there it's guaran-teed,
You'll get the “Hospital-ity Blues”!